Heaven sent..

"It's not me.. it's through me..'
these are the very words my friend had said..and i believe that - this is the very aspect that we should see where do we stand.. living our lives and at the same time deliver ourselves to the AL-MIGHTY...

Years ago.. i never had thought this.. I had made a lot of mistakes putting labels on people and things that would make me happy and feel complete about my life.. when things happened unexpectedly- caught me off guard and suddenly life wasn't that great anymore... mistakes over mistakes i began to commit until i could not  find any silver lining in every cloud i had passed through..

Then.. came along a long lost friend.. as if our path crossed as planned.. i begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. i admire her courage, strength, ambition but most of all..  her sense of living is admirable... whenever i express my admiration- she would remind me- it is not her... it is through her.. God has created her and it is in god's plan for her to be all that she is so that she could help others. What she said has truly hit me. I never thought that way.

I took her words and i begin to notice how all these years i had missed out a lot- God listens.. It is me- who should change the way i view the world... if happiness i need- then happiness will it be- it is just that it will not come knocking on our door just like a package we had ordered online.. it is not through our definition of happiness but- GOD's... for.. God knows what actually, truly would make us happy for that particular moment.. it is heaven sent-

It is not the person or things that would make u happy- nope!
No more labeling- we have to stop right there..
Why:
-because by labeling - we have limit ourselves to be happy..
-because by labeling - we have victimized ourselves for not being thankful of what God has given us..
-because by labeling - we have put a barrier to cherish life..

Yup- we have to stop right there..
It is not the person or things.. but God grant your wish through them..
Look.. observe.. analyse.. what have we pray for.. what have we wish for..
if we wish for happiness.. it is through them.. we will receive happiness.. the person or the things are not the icon of happiness.. it is through them..
i use to think that when i am with someone whom for me make me happy.. then my life for that day is the perfect one.. ermmm- so naive ehhh...
i was so blind in searching, hoping and worst! expecting for that someone to make me happy that i didn't realized others who have crossed my path have actually paint my day with happiness.. in the end.. blinded with hopes and expectation placed upon the so-called-my icon of happiness... i was sucked back into the whirlpool of depression... urggghhhhhh... a moment of life wasted!!! totally wasted!!

Now.. no more.. what she had said to me that very day.. had opened my eyes..
my days are filled with little surprises.. heaven sent..
it's no longer the icon... but the happening...
not only that.. whatever comes by.. i try to look beyond.. it's heaven sent.. it must be good..
God listens.....
When i feel lonely.. and when i thought my nyte would be lonely for the one i need was not there.... God sent me friends.. and sometimes.. individuals i never expect to meet or even chat with.... God listens..
When i feel incomplete .. struggling to feel confident about myself.. God sent me capabilities to make me feel good about myself.. be it things like to-die-for pair of stilettos or even friends with simple compliments that would make you gloat.. the thing is.. God listens...
And all it was and still is... it is not them... it is through them...

"....when my servants question you about ME, tell them that I am very close to them. I answer the prayer of every suppliant when he calls ME; therefore they should respond to ME and put their trust in ME, so that they may be rightly guided..."

(al-baqarah: 186) 

Some Wishful Thinking...

I never thought that one day i would write this way....
I never thought that those wishful thinking would actually came true...
and.. that is why... BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU WISH FOR..
and.. I definitely sure i am not proud of what happened.. its just something that i feel that i need to highlight so that anyone.. who is in the same shoe as mine would understand and able to look into different perspectives..

I have battling with problems in my personal relationship for years.. it was not just a simple case where a third party is involved.. or maybe it was and it still is... It was heart-wrenching and everyday was a battle for me - struggling to get through the day without ever thinking about my other half.. or so-called-soulmate.. It was untill one day - out of the blue.. some wishful thinking... 'WHAT IF'- happens!


All these years - i believe to fall for someone it would take time...
All these years - i thought that to allow someone into your heart would mean a series of effort of knowing each other first.. learning about each other.. get connected with that someone with the things that both would be sharing together....

Unfortunately.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA- i was wrong!!!! Really wrong!!!!!!!
I would blame on the lonely nytes i sailed without anyone to cuddle n bla bla bla... I would blame on the late nytes hanging out in FB lounge.. yesss... the blaming list would go on and on.....BUT the point is... it happened!

I was struck!!.. Dumbfounded, I began to feel the feelings that i have longed for.. I kept on arguing with myself  with this ILLOGIC happening.. then- it hit me.... God LISTENS!!

I began to understand how my other half was struggling when he was luvstruck.. It must be so difficult for him to fight his feelings.. yearning for somebody when at the same time he was with me.. I began to understand... NOBODY who is married in their right mind would wish 'TODAY I WOULD GO OUT THERE AND FALL IN LOVE..'

When it deals with feelings.. it is not easy to just simply throw away... They are not small stones that u collect on the beach and throw them to the sea..

I would consider myself lucky for i have found answers to many of my questions all these years about my man's affair... Although things are still the same.. i am still bound with the same old problem.. with now extra luggage of 'pain' .. and it is a bitter lesson to learn.. but at least i understand and therefore.. i began to let go every bit of resentment of being so-called-cheated.. every bit of frustrations of being put aside- ignored-loveless.. and just forgive him... After all... who are we to deny - what has happened - happens with GOD's will... it is up to us to think, decide and act upon it.. I would say that what ever it is - it is GOOD.. God gives us good things... it is US to make it great for us... all it takes is just think for a moment.. and of course deliver ourselves to GOD..

"....then, after this grief, HE bestowed peace on some of you - a slumber which overcame them - while the others were stirred to anxiety by their own fancies, holding unjust and wrong suspicions about Allah, the suspicions of ignorance. Now they ask: 'Have we any say in the matter?" Tell them:"All matters are in the hands of Allah." They hide in their minds what they dare not reveal to you. They mean to say: "If we had any say in the matter, none of us would have been killed here." Say to them:"Even if you had remained in your homes, those of you who were destined to be killed would nevertheless have been killed; but it was Allah's will to test your faith and purge what was in your hearts. Allah has knowledge of the secrets of your hearts."...

                                                                               (Al-Imran: 154)