Some Wishful Thinking...

I never thought that one day i would write this way....
I never thought that those wishful thinking would actually came true...
and.. that is why... BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU WISH FOR..
and.. I definitely sure i am not proud of what happened.. its just something that i feel that i need to highlight so that anyone.. who is in the same shoe as mine would understand and able to look into different perspectives..

I have battling with problems in my personal relationship for years.. it was not just a simple case where a third party is involved.. or maybe it was and it still is... It was heart-wrenching and everyday was a battle for me - struggling to get through the day without ever thinking about my other half.. or so-called-soulmate.. It was untill one day - out of the blue.. some wishful thinking... 'WHAT IF'- happens!


All these years - i believe to fall for someone it would take time...
All these years - i thought that to allow someone into your heart would mean a series of effort of knowing each other first.. learning about each other.. get connected with that someone with the things that both would be sharing together....

Unfortunately.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA- i was wrong!!!! Really wrong!!!!!!!
I would blame on the lonely nytes i sailed without anyone to cuddle n bla bla bla... I would blame on the late nytes hanging out in FB lounge.. yesss... the blaming list would go on and on.....BUT the point is... it happened!

I was struck!!.. Dumbfounded, I began to feel the feelings that i have longed for.. I kept on arguing with myself  with this ILLOGIC happening.. then- it hit me.... God LISTENS!!

I began to understand how my other half was struggling when he was luvstruck.. It must be so difficult for him to fight his feelings.. yearning for somebody when at the same time he was with me.. I began to understand... NOBODY who is married in their right mind would wish 'TODAY I WOULD GO OUT THERE AND FALL IN LOVE..'

When it deals with feelings.. it is not easy to just simply throw away... They are not small stones that u collect on the beach and throw them to the sea..

I would consider myself lucky for i have found answers to many of my questions all these years about my man's affair... Although things are still the same.. i am still bound with the same old problem.. with now extra luggage of 'pain' .. and it is a bitter lesson to learn.. but at least i understand and therefore.. i began to let go every bit of resentment of being so-called-cheated.. every bit of frustrations of being put aside- ignored-loveless.. and just forgive him... After all... who are we to deny - what has happened - happens with GOD's will... it is up to us to think, decide and act upon it.. I would say that what ever it is - it is GOOD.. God gives us good things... it is US to make it great for us... all it takes is just think for a moment.. and of course deliver ourselves to GOD..

"....then, after this grief, HE bestowed peace on some of you - a slumber which overcame them - while the others were stirred to anxiety by their own fancies, holding unjust and wrong suspicions about Allah, the suspicions of ignorance. Now they ask: 'Have we any say in the matter?" Tell them:"All matters are in the hands of Allah." They hide in their minds what they dare not reveal to you. They mean to say: "If we had any say in the matter, none of us would have been killed here." Say to them:"Even if you had remained in your homes, those of you who were destined to be killed would nevertheless have been killed; but it was Allah's will to test your faith and purge what was in your hearts. Allah has knowledge of the secrets of your hearts."...

                                                                               (Al-Imran: 154)