when all u have left is waiting ..

 It may seemed that life is full of choices.. but sometimes.. the only choice that we have is to wait. It can be chalenging as everyone has their own limit of waiting.

People would say that you have a choice to be with anyone.. however, sometimes it is not a choice. It is more of an assignment given by God to you. No doubt - its kind of hard to go through..especially when you are in abusive relationship be it physically or psychologically. No matter how hard you tried to make things better.. things doesn't seem to work out. It may leave you drenched in emotion .. drawn out and tired from all your hard work but then.. in the end, you just have to sit and wait. It is not a sign of lost hope nor succumb to the situation but more of faith.

 

Many a time i feel this way. More of like doing time in prison. Things may seemed unfair -  there were times when my days and nights wasted thinking how could the person i have dedicated my heart and soul be so cruel and selfish -  not only did his actions bring despair and pain in my life, but also imprison me in depression for years .. Frustrations and dissappointment would paint my sky with grey and black most of the time. Till to a certain point that i could no longer do anything but just to bow to what is happening - sadly accepting the fact that i wasn't meant to be loved sincerely.

Then... I realized - This is not a sentence..life imprisonment. I was assigned to such a person for God knows my strength.. He acknowledges my strength.. I should not belittle God's gift to me - the strength. I know i have to belief in myself. This is an assignment .. an assignment that requires me to embelish my strength with patience and faith. I should embrace every moment because every second spent with the individual assigned will be the moment of strengthening my faith.

Bit by bit i begin to understand... the people that bring rain and thunderstorms in our life is there for us for more than a purpose. These are the people we should be grateful for God assigned us to them. At first it may not make sense .. then i realized that this is God's way of telling me.. reminding me that:

            i ) Never should i cause great pain to others for whatever goes around comes around

           ii ) I should be grateful for i was created by God not having such attitude or bad effect in the   life of others

           iii) The time has come for me to acknowledge my strength.. another pathway for me to venture and learn about myself

           iv) My faith.. my iman needs some strengthening .. time for some 'refurbishment'

Having had thought all the possiblilities.. I have realized that it's time for me to stop and inhale.. It may seemed that i ran out of strength for me to put up with the person.. but i just have to have faith on God's plan..  when all i have left is to wait after a long and tiring walk, i should make the wait worthwhile.. the wait should be a soul-enriching moment. Just like waiting for the rain to subside after a long run in the rain. I should belief in myself that i have the strength to go on walking. I should belief that after the wait, I would have better and clearer perception on things. I just have to wait for awhile.. wait for the rain to stop because the rain will soon stop and i will always have the strength.. feeling much more better and stronger to walk ahead...enjoying the aftermath.

 "Oh you who believe! Persevere in patience and constancy. Vie in such perseverance, strengthen each other, and be pious, that you may prosper." (Ali Imran : 200)